Tuesday, 30 October 2018

Fake news?

Q and As from the American Association of Retired People Forum

A few months ago, a friend sent me a list of frequently asked questions that relate to people of a certain age. 

After reading them and responding to their humour, the Trumpian “post-truth” concept of “fake news” came to mind.  Two issues in particular arose.  

Firstly, how genuine are these questions and answers; and does the alleged source, the AARP (American Association of Retired People), actually exist. 

A quick on-line check revealed that there is indeed a body which operates under that very name, it has its own website,[i]  it has a membership scheme and it offers what appears like expert advice on myriad topics for elderly people. 

Whether this list of FAQs is genuine or a satirical spoof is quite another matter.

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q: I’m a member of a Retired Christians’ motor cycle club, Heavens’ Angels. Someone told me that motor bikes are mentioned in the bible. Is that true?
A: Yes. Old Testament 14:92:
"And the roar of Moses’s Triumph was heard all over the Holy Land..."
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 70 plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

 ©Michael McSorley 2018

[i] https://www.aarp.org/

1 comment:


    Northern Ireland person pondering early retirement.